IMITATIONCAT.COM is proud to present IMITATIONCAT.COM’s first Featured Fan, Steve Comcast!

Steve Comcast had humble beginnings as a worthless piece of garbage who had never heard of IMITATIONCAT.COM. Then fate led him to a passionate, mandatory conversation with Ray Deathray. The following is their chat transcript:

analyst Steve has entered room
Steve: Hello Ray, Thank you for contacting Comcast Live Chat Support. My name is Steve. Please give me one moment to review your information.

Ray: My Issue: I’d like an internet to go faster in a shorter amount of time

Steve: Ray, I apologize for the inconvenience this has caused you. I can certainly understand your frustration, and I really appreciate the opportunity to make things right.

Steve: By the end of this chat I am sure we will have resolved this issue together to your satisfaction.

Ray: YES!!!

Steve: Ray, if I get you right you wanted to change your internet package to increase speed? Is that correct?

Ray: Yes, Mr. Comcast. I would like an internet to go faster so that I can experience the wonders of IMITATIONCAT.COM with greater speed.

Ray: IMITATIONCAT.COM is loading too slow for me

Ray: I would like IMITATIONCAT.COM to load faster so that my life will be better in less time

Ray: because IMITATIONCAT.COM truly improves the quality of one’s life

Steve: I understand how important that website for you, Ray.

Ray: Can you please check how quickly IMITATIONCAT.COM is loading for you?

Steve: Ray, I am so sorry we can only use comcast website and tools.

Ray: Comcast cannot bring me to the internet?

Ray: I would like a refund, then. I was hoping that your internet service would provide internet.

Steve: I am so sorry.

Steve: Please allow me to clarify.

Steve: You have internet service with us correct?

Ray: Yes I do. *wink*

Steve: Yes, we can.

Ray: Does your internet service provide high speed access to the best internet websites?

Ray: IMITATIONCAT.COM, for example

Steve: Yes, our services is one of the best as of this point.

Steve: It would allow to access those websites.

Ray: So which IMITATIONCAT.COM strip is your favorite?

Steve: I really see that you like the website.

Steve: Is there any comcast concerns you want me to assist you with?

Steve: It is important for me to know if we are still connected. Did you receive my last message?

Ray: Yes

Ray: You were about to share your thoughts about IMITATIONCAT.COM, I believe

Ray: Which strip fills your heart with joy the most?

Steve: Ray, I would love to discuss that to you however we need to discuss your comcast concerns.

Ray: I would like the comcast.com url to link directly to IMITATIONCAT.COM

Steve: Ray, the only we can do that, is try to copy and paste the link and after that save it to your favorites.

Ray: Hold on.

Ray: I just copied and pasted comcast.com and all it does is bring me to comcast.com

Ray: Is my internet broken?

Steve: Copy and paste the website you wanted to access.

Steve: Then save at as your favorite.

Ray: I don’t understand.

Steve: Ray, you wanted to go to IMITATIONCAT.COM is that correct?

Ray: Of course. It is much funnier than comcast.com.

Steve: If that is the case.

Steve: You may go to comcast.net

Steve: After that you can search the website you wanted to access.

Ray: Heeeeey, wait a minute

Ray: Are you just trying to trick me into visiting the Comcast website?

Steve: Not of course.

Ray: Can you check to see if IMITATIONCAT.COM is loading correctly?

Steve: Ray, I am not able to access that on my end here.

Ray: Try going to comcast.net and search for IMITATIONCAT.COM

Ray: See if you can access it that way

Steve: Please try to do that from your end.

Ray: I’ve already done it

Ray: Now I have IMITATIONCAT.COM open in two browsers

Ray: and as a result, my life is twice as satisfying

Steve: Great.

Steve: Is there anything else I can help you with today?

Ray: You can go to IMITATIONCAT.COM

Ray: though you’d be helping yourself by doing so

Steve: Thank you for that.

Steve: Is there anything else I can help you with today?

Steve: Ray, I understand you have internet service with us?

Steve: Do you want to get a internet package right now.

Steve: Are you still there?

Ray: Sorry, I was busy opening IMITATIONCAT.COM in a third browser

Steve: Ray, is there anything else I can assist you with?

Ray: Tell your friends and family about IMITATIONCAT.COM

Steve: Yes, thank you.

Steve: Is there anything else I can help you with today?

Ray: You can promise you will tell your friends and family about IMITATIONCAT.COM

Steve: Yes, I will.

Ray: I love you, Steve.

Ray: New comic on Wednesday!

Steve: I will take note of that.

Steve: Is there anything else I can help you with today?

Ray: Well, my life is a mess.

Steve: I will be praying that everything will be fine.

Steve: It’s been a pleasure helping you today. Thank your for contacting Comcast and have a great day. If you need assistance in the future, please do not hesitate to contact us through Live Chat or E-Mail (available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week). Comcast also offers great FAQ and Help forums located at www.Comcast.net to help you solve many issues on your own. Our goal is to provide you with a consistently superior customer experience – that’s our guarantee. Learn more about the Comcast Customer Guarantee at http://www.comcast.com/corporate/Customers/CustomerGuarantee.html?fss=customer guarantee

Ray: Praying to Cat Satan?

Ray: Steve?

Ray: Steve?

Steve: Ray, if you need more assistance please call our hotline

Steve: 1-800-xfinity(1-800-9346489)

Steve: Good bye for now. Take care!

The chat session has been closed
Steve: Analyst has closed chat and left the room

If you’d like to be a future Featured Fan, you can find more information by looking inside yourself and emailing said innards to deathraymond@gmail.com.*

*If you are selected to be the next imitationcat.com Featured Fan, you will be notified by email and charged a fee. Imitationcat.com is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Imitationcat.com is intended to fill the emptiness you feel inside. Side effects may include: disease, feeling like you could explode with joy, nausea, hot dog, and exploding. Imitationcat.com is not appropriate for children under the age of 2 because they can’t fucking read. If accidentally swallowed, pretend like it was totally on purpose. All rights reserved. All wrongs reserved. I love you, Steve.